a coincidence of wants
a musing everyday
12.31.2011
next year, i'm going
to do things completely
differently, promise.
12.30.2011
you hate visitors?
i never
would have guest.
12.29.2011
i lack confidence in my colloquialisms,
but rome wasn't built in a day,
am i right?
12.28.2011
every day that i'm
not underground,
i'm on top of the world.
12.27.2011
the kkk was confused about the family's race.
so, instead of using a cross,
the had a burning question mark.
12.26.2011
the british robot longed for a sense of smell,
and when he went to the wizard of oz,
he was so excited, he got a bloody nose.
12.25.2011
christmas is a time for sharing,
but i really think your story about
getting herpes in mexico was over the line.
12.24.2011
santa only comes once a year.
so, i have no idea why he's jolly.
mrs. claus needs to up her game.
12.23.2011
after that champion show dog went rabid
and attacked, i stole her puppy.
an heir of the dog that bit me.
12.22.2011
'we will be together forever,'
the grim reaper whispered. i replied,
'i love you too, death.'
12.21.2011
that homeless hip hop artist
never got any respect.
he got a bum rap.
12.20.2011
i was too afraid of e coli
to eat the raw poultry.
chicken, out.
12.19.2011
if it isn't a tissue,
it's nothing
to sneeze at.
12.18.2011
some scientists believe dark matter doesn't exist.
not to make light of the situation
but it seems like a matter of opinion.
12.17.2011
for as long as humanity exists,
we will be reigning
cats and dogs.
12.16.2011
when your waiter
is a lizard,
be sure to tip the scales.
12.15.2011
old racist baseball teams
would play games in the dark,
though never pitch black.
12.14.2011
it takes
one,
to no one.
12.13.2011
when the puppet performance
asked for volunteers,
there was a show of hands.
12.12.2011
when he finally got undressed,
she exhaled her disappointment, and mumbled under her breath.
sighs, mutters.
12.11.2011
the cynic was unimpressed
with the impending apocalypse.
'great, balls of fire.'
12.10.2011
she later apologized to the dwarf
for the last-minute letter telling him he was small,
'sorry for the short notice.'
12.09.2011
she told him she had 'a bun in the oven.'
he started yelling, packed his things, and left.
everything she knew was a lie, 'i thought he liked cinnamon.'
12.08.2011
i think i'm far funnier
than anyone i've ever met
thinks.
12.07.2011
'a leopard can't change its spots,'
is a lesson about not
cutting in line, right?
12.06.2011
i'm as american as
apple pie, and obesity.
they go hand in hand (or mouth).
12.05.2011
i look back on the past,
i look forward to the future,
and i look down on short people.
12.04.2011
before you think i'm acting crazy,
there is just a grizzly in my head,
bear in mind.
12.03.2011
we let time decide
when we get news,
if it is up to the minute.
12.02.2011
the best thing i've ever written
was an email explanation for why
i was unsubscribing from a newsletter.
12.01.2011
i was fake and out of shape,
some would say
i was counter-fit.
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