9.30.2011

he was very shy,

but he always threw these massive parties,

i guess he was bashful.

9.29.2011

i told him i would cast out to the left

of the pond, but he misheard me.

we got our lines crossed.

9.28.2011

as my research paper fell to the floor,

i scrambled to pick up every page,

collecting my thoughts.

9.27.2011

clifford didn't like that i was ignoring him.

so, my big red dog ate my home,

work, and everywhere else i went.

9.26.2011

a lollipop is one of the only things

you should ever

'lick into shape.'

9.25.2011

9.24.2011

9.22.2011

i like to walk around

without a destination.

all roads lead to roam

9.21.2011

during my youth, there was a commercial

where an alien mother grounded her son for light-years.

that always bothered me.

9.20.2011

the lumberjack

wanted to be a plastic surgeon,

but he did a hatchet job.

9.19.2011

when it got windy,

i gave her my coat,

to soften the blow.

9.18.2011

i'd say this was a nightmare,

but i've seen

you dream.

9.17.2011

professional authors look at

the cost of items differently,

the price is write.

9.15.2011

you're trying to tell me

that this car runs on trees?

i'm not buying it.

9.13.2011

he wouldn't let me look at his geese,

so i stole them.

taking a gander.

9.12.2011

when he is asleep,

my dog whimpers that he is a king.

i let the sleeping dog lie.

9.11.2011

i won't ignore the past,

but i won't let it decide

the future.

9.10.2011

i called her for the 15th time, that day.

as soon as i said hello, i just heard dial tone.

we all have our hang ups.

9.09.2011

i wish we had no plans,

we'd just hang out and relax.

i want nothing to do with you.

9.08.2011

after the health nut died,

she was buried with her stationary bike.

she's spinning in her grave.

9.07.2011

i've invented a new weight loss supplement

that only works for 1 out of 1,000,000 people,

it's called 'slim chance.'

9.06.2011

when i've written something i don't like,

i call on my prehistoric back-peddler,

my pte-redact-yl.

9.05.2011

how crazy was the wild west?

that shit was bandanas,

b-a-n-d-a-n-a-s

9.04.2011

i should have seen that show coming,

but dateline

is 20/20

9.03.2011

when they showed me around

the police station,

it was a tour de force.

9.02.2011

if i were you,

and you were me,

we'd be us still, right?

9.01.2011

if you think that's bad,

then i guess

it probably is.