10.31.2011

this halloween,

i'm hoping the economy rebounds,

like they say, 'the dead will rise.'

10.30.2011

when the full moon rises,

i become an animal with no sense of direction,

a wherewolf

10.29.2011

i started a one-man-band,

but we can't

agree on a name.

10.28.2011

'then the guy grabbed a crow bar.'

'what did he do after that?'

'beats me.'

10.27.2011

raging animals are cute,

when the bull got stuck in the doorway

it was just a door, a bull.

10.26.2011

things just aren't as exciting as they used to be,

when i look out at the night sky,

i'm so over the moon.

10.25.2011

you can't expect the unexpected

except when inspecting

expectations

10.24.2011

10.23.2011

my phone case broke after

five minutes of use,

this is a worst case scenario.

10.22.2011

if i'm trying to get a promotion,

why do you tell me not to

work myself up?

10.21.2011

if you think it's destructive

when the dog plays with its toys indoors,

let's see how it plays out.

10.20.2011

did you hear about the small child

who couldn't get on the roller coaster that closed?

he was too little and too late.

10.19.2011

she only smiles when she's wearing

chinchilla pelts from head to toe.

the fur suit of happiness.

10.18.2011

for as many faces as you have,

i would have thought you'd have one

watching your back.

10.17.2011

10.16.2011

not to knock on wood or anything,

but i find it to be

too grainy.

10.15.2011

i've only ever had a

frog in my throat,

in a french restaurant.

10.14.2011

when i commit crimes

i wear nothing around my neck,

so i get away, ascot-free.

10.13.2011

going to a fancy hotel

in an exotic location

is not something i'd resort to.

10.12.2011

i have a 'no return' policy

on compliments,

but thanks anyway.

10.11.2011

moses was so shocked that everyone

was worshiping the golden calf idol,

he screamed out 'holy cow!?'

10.10.2011

if you want to see the number 2,

you have to

look after number 1.

10.09.2011

i've never seen a doe resting in this spot,

but i know one thing for sure,

the buck stops here.

10.08.2011

magicians never reveal their secrets,

so never ask one,

' how's tricks? '

10.07.2011

i tend to believe that jokes

about internal organs

are the only real 'inside jokes.'

10.06.2011

10.05.2011

when i picked you up

spicy indian food,

it was a curry favour.

10.04.2011

when the devil was punched by god,

he was hit by a

god-given right.

10.03.2011

he said peter's sister

didn't give him any gifts.

his story re: pete's sis, selfish.

10.02.2011

our past is a cold burrito,

sitting by a microwave.

history re-heats itself.

10.01.2011

the world is just a snake

biting it's own tail, over and over.

history re-eats itself.