8.31.2011

if my calculations are correct,

buzz

is the only buzz word in existence.

8.30.2011

twilight vampire

rule of thumb:

once bitten, twice shiny.

8.29.2011

now i aint sayin' she's a gold digger,

but she does happen to head

the world's largest mining company.

8.28.2011

i'm going to try my hardest

not to die,

even if it kills me.

8.27.2011

when the grenade landed near me

i started punching the ground.

i was told to hit the dirt.

8.25.2011

when the piano plummeted from the window

at the school for the deaf,

it fell on deaf ears.

8.24.2011

they thought i knew they wanted

to play one of my board games,

but i didn't have clue.

8.23.2011

when two words that mean the same thing

are placed next to each other,

it's synonymitry.

8.22.2011

i'm sorry i didn't laugh,

i can't take a joke,

and if i could, i don't know where i'd bring it.

8.21.2011

if you've made your bed,

why would you lay in it?

wouldn't that just unmake it?

8.20.2011

when the magician was injured,

they couldn't find anyone else

that would do the trick.

8.19.2011

timmy fell to the bottom of the well.

he tried to climb out,

but he couldn't leave the well enough alone.
when the detective learned

there was a prize in his cereal,

he new he had to get to the bottom of it.

8.18.2011

i often exhale into jars

closing them quickly,

hoping to save my breath.

8.17.2011

when the octogenarian nascar driver

had a wheel blowout mid-race,

he had to retire.

8.16.2011

how can i have regrets,

when i've never once

gretted?

8.15.2011

when the kkk burned that crucifix,

one member bumped into the flames

and was caught in the cross fire.

8.14.2011

to get blood from a stone,

one simply has to

hit someone with it.

8.13.2011

i had a lucky apple,

but after one bite,

it became rotten.

8.12.2011

kanye west has his own private jet.

seems that rappers often give in to

flights of fancy.

8.11.2011

people climbing the berlin wall

would risk being shot,

just to be on the safe side.

8.10.2011

the don gave me one chance

to take his deal.

he made me an offer i couldn't reuse.

8.09.2011

when lucifer's army revolted,

the angels turned to their commander, god.

god said, "give 'em hell!"

8.08.2011

the suicidal man

couldn't afford rope,

so, he was hanging by a thread.

8.07.2011

after years of searching for the box

that contained his love, he found it,

but his heart wasn't in it.

8.06.2011

jimi hendrix was born

with a guitar in his hands,

he cut his own chord.

8.05.2011

8.04.2011

all these errant directory files

need to get

with the program.

8.03.2011

i walked into home depot,

'will you be purchasing anything today?"

'wood if i could.'

8.02.2011

i'm not just whistling dixie,

i'm also whistling

the superman theme.

8.01.2011

i feel bad for the homeless.

they have to traverse our country

with two bum legs.