11.30.2011

he got a new lease on life,

it lasts two years

and has a 73.5% monthly interest rate.

11.29.2011

no matter how far i stretch,

i can never

reach a conclusion.

11.28.2011

sweet bread rolls,

manufactured by pillsbury.

synonym: buns.

11.27.2011

would if i could, but i can't so i won't.

though i should, but i shan't,

there's a scant bit of hope.

11.25.2011

11.24.2011

today we celebrate

the amazing career of tom hanks.

t.hanksgiving

11.23.2011

when someone says something is 'hit or miss'

they don't really know what they are talking about.

those are the only options.

11.22.2011

when the sun goes down,

i find it appropriate

to call it a night.

11.21.2011

i surrounded the prized jewel with a wall

the same density of a human being.

as thick as thieves.

11.20.2011

i tried so hard to get those apples,

but they belonged to a family of grizzlies.

sometimes, all your hard work, bears' fruit.

11.19.2011

i was telling him what to do

as he tightened the screws into position.

i guess i'm a backseat screwdriver.

11.18.2011

i took a hammer to my mirror

to make it more reflective,

but it wasn't what it was cracked up to be.

11.17.2011

can the next person you set me up with

be attractive, please?

pretty, please?

11.16.2011

there's an outline of me

in your coloring book.

color me confused.

11.15.2011

i wonder if astronauts

ever lose track of what they're doing,

and space out.

11.14.2011

11.13.2011

if you're going to tie me up

you probably shouldn't have

shown me the ropes

11.12.2011

to pay my debt,

you can take my car, house and money,

just don't take my word for it.

11.11.2011

with so many e1evens

i 1ose track of the

most important 1.

11.09.2011

the space between my mouth

and cake

is the path of least resistance.

11.08.2011

when trying to find a mate,

that difficult girl is hard to get in bed,

but easy does it.

11.07.2011

i got a new hunting rifle

that fires rockets.

more bang for my buck.

11.06.2011

the saying,

'uncle sam wants you'

really creeps me out.

11.05.2011

i bet every day that farmers wake up

and they see that the crops are ready,

they have a field day.

11.04.2011

i believe that there are multiple universes

where time-lines run parallel to our own.

maybe, some other time.

11.03.2011

i've had enough of the naked eye,

i want to see

an eye that is dressed.

11.02.2011

when jim, the class clown, performed macbeth,

he delivered his lines with his head tilted all the way back.

he was always acting up.

11.01.2011

when they built that magnificent tower,

they built each floor a little after the last,

the result is staggering.