regardless of what you say,

this is not a piece of cake,

this test is not delicious at all.

the doctor told me to stand for 4 hours,

i misheard, staying on my feet for an hour.

he thought i understood.

a care bear stare

is one of few ways to actually

kill someone with kindness.

if land costs so much to buy,

why do they say something

is dirt cheap?

i can't get enough of people

cheering at sporting events,

i'm a fanaddict.

the mask sculptor's mother

would always yell at him

for making faces

when the weather gets bad,

and there's a mountain of snow,

climb-it

you're carving our names

on the tree we met under,

but you're marking up the wrong tree.

a picture is worth a thousand words,

so shut up

while i snap this shot.

i had to pick a tv show to watch

before i ran out of time.

it came down to the wire.

my parking ticket

isn't just great,

it's outstanding.

after all his years with a license,

he's never been in a car accident.

wreckless driving.

don't bite the hand that feeds you,

punch its owner's crotch,

so the hand drops the food.

no one expected superman

to become a thief.

man of steal.

i sometimes forget

that you forget to breathe

sometimes.

robin hood and maid marian

did not live happily ever after.

it's in robin's nature to quarrel.

'doctor, why are there two patients here?'

'well, he's going to receive a brain transplant,

and he's the brains of this operation.'

did you hear the one about

the priest and the rabbi who walk into the bar?

religious figures are such drunks.

one year later,

and nothing

has unchanged.

the drunk author braved the hurricane,

but his short story flew from his hands,

three sheets to the wind.

he said his wallet couldn't hold any more,

but when he was presented with money,

it fit the bill.

them lumberjack murderers

be-headed for her neck

of the woods.

i'm the kind of guy

to wonder why

i've got no rhyme for reason.

In a world where wereworlds

were worlds where

werewolves were...

they wouldn't let me bring back

my purchase. so, i yelled at them,

'i'm past the point of no return!'

what is a rut,

and how did i

get in here?

when the old man slowly

told his side of the story,

he was long in the truth.

smoke signals reside in clouds above me,

my throat tingles,

still i find their kind so lovely.

knowing is half the battle,

the other half?

murder.

everything happens for a reason,

the reason he got hurt?

that car hit him.

to get rid of all the clutter,

i separated everything by size,

little by little.